The 1 Thing I Wish I had Prepared For

I wish I had known just how lonely loneliness could be. Loneliness has become my best friend and my worst enemy. When the one thing you need the most is someone, just one single person, to let you know you aren't forgotten. To know that all those times you were: there when they needed that ride home from the bar because they were too drunk to drive, the shoulder they cried on because their relationship was over, the person they called when they needed help weren't just because they knew you'd be there. When you need someone the most, you often realize just who you can really call your friends.
Having surgery is not just something you need to prepare for physically, but emotionally as well. When I went to stay at my parents house on the Cape to recover from surgery, I had a feeling that I wouldn't see my friends since I was going to be so far away. Yes, there were a few who promised they'd come visit me, that we'd talk on facebook, skype, etc. But just because you're stuck on the first floor of a 3 story house, unable to go outside and enjoy the sunshine and the warm summer breeze does not mean that the worlds comes to a screeching halt simply because it did for you. Nor did I expect it too. Going into the surgery, I knew that I was basically giving up my entire summer and would really have nothing to look forward to except going back to Salem in the fall for school. Back to where my friends would be. Back to my normal routine of going to classes and hanging out with friends between them.
Coming back to Salem was not anything like I had anticipated. Since I was still on crutches getting around campus was hard. I wasn't supposed go over 180ft from my car to class, and if you know Salem at all, parking is a nightmare. The first two weeks of classes, I missed many of them due to no parking. While I do have a handicap placard, there simply just aren't enough spaces. Going to class was/is the one time of day that I get to see people, interact with humanity, have a conversation with someone other than my cat. So when I had to drop 2 classes[one online], it was upsetting. Now I'm only taking 2 classes that meets 4 days a week, and the rest of the time, I'm alone.
Going up and down stairs[I live on the 3rd floor] multiple times a day really is not an option right now. My ankle gets tired, I get tired, and it's just too hard. Granted if I was invited to go somewhere with someone, I'd make it work. But the issue is that I'm not. My friends have all fallen to the way side. This leave me alone when I'm not in class and it's hard. It is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Stay at home knowing my friends are all out having fun and I'm stuck at home without even a text inviting me. Yes I have reached out, numerous times, to people asking what they're doing that night, or if they'd want to come over and watch a movie. I always get the same answer, "I'm sorry, maybe next time?"
It's really starting to make me question if I ever really had any 'real' friends here at all. Sure I know people get busy, things happen, but I don't think there has been a single night that I haven't gotten a text or phone call from a friend asking me if I wanted to do something. If I wanted to hang out. I'm not trying to be all 'poor me' but this is the reality of the situation and it sucks.

Pain medication is a pain!

So it's the day of your surgery. You're hungry because you couldn't eat after midnight, and you're on the verge of taking the first person's Dunkin Donut's coffee you see. At least that was how I was that morning. Depending on what kind of procedure you're having, they may offer you something called a "nerve block." Trust me, you want to get this. While it may not work 100% at blocking your pain, you do not want to wake up after surgery and feel the meds wear off!


When you are finally discharged from the hospital, they send you home with enough prescription pain medication to keep you "comfortably" pain free. The surgery I had was pretty extensive.  The medical terms for what I had done are: Peroneal Tendon Synovectomy, Calcaneal Osteotomy, Gastroneumius Recession, and a Talar Navicular Coalition.  [Yeah, I didn't know what they were either] If you have a weak stomach, I do not recommend going onto youtube and putting in any of those words.


Basically they went in cleaned up one of my tendons that had arthritis on it, removed the extra bone that had formed when my bones grew together, released my Achilles tendon through an incision in my mid calf, and chopped my heal in half, moved it over and put a few screws in it to hold it in place.  At least this is my understanding of it.


Anyways, now that that ramblings all said and done.  Once I was discharged from the hospital, my mom took me back to cape cod where I would be recovering. Since I was out of, thanks to the morphine, she was in charge of giving me my pain medication when I needed them.  I under no circumstances blame her for what happened.

Finally home from surgery! All wrapped and propped up! 

I was given oxycontin, oxycodon, motrin, and one other thing I can't remember.  Within two days of the surgery and being on the pain medication and taking it as prescribed, I ended up at cape cod hospital.  I could not stop itching.  It felt as if I had been covered with something that caused it to burn and itch.  It was mostly my face and arms, but it was unbearable.  Turns out, I'm allergic to Oxycontin and Oxicodone.   Two days after major surgery, I was off prescription pain medicine.


Since I could no longer take the prescription pain medicine, I was taking the motrin in it's place.  If your mom told you to never take motrin or pain meds on an empty stomach, here is the reason.  Pain medication, such as motrin, Advil, aspirin etc, is an NSAID pain medication.  The frequent use of taking these pain meds is that it can wear away the stomach lining. If you take it with food, the food can absorb some of the stomach acid and prevent this from happening.


I have always taken Advil for everyday ache's and pains from headaches to my shoulder/elbow pain [result of being hit by a car in april 2010].  Buy this point, I guess my stomach lining had gotten pretty thin.  One night, I remember using my cell phone to call my mom and I told her I needed her to come down to the room I was in and sit with me.  I had such a sharp stabbing, burning pain in my chest I honestly thought I was dying.  I even told my mom on our way to MGH that if something happened to me, would she look after Abby, my 3 year old cat.


It wasn't until I saw the doctor at my one week follow up that she was able to put all the symptoms together and tell me I probably had developed an ulcer. While I haven't seen a doctor to follow up on this, I still have to take 2 prescription antacid medications 2 times a day and tums are my best friend.  I even have to be careful about not getting too stressed.  Yeah like a 24 year old in college doesn't have enough things to worry about.


The one thing that really helped me manage the pain after being off pain meds basically 2 days after surgery was the cryo-boot.  This wonderful device was basically an ice pack that wrapped around my foot like a boot, that had a little cooler with it that held water and ice.  I can't explain how it works very well, but trust me, they are fantastic!

My foot in the cryo-boot right after surgery. 

So what did I learn after all that?

What doesn't kill you will make you stronger, and you only really know how strong you are when being strong is the only option you have.

The First Lesson About Having Surgery

I wanted to start writing this blog prior to going under the knife but better late than never. First of all, I am not a doctor, the opinions that I express are based solely on my experience after having ankle surgery.

That having been said, I want to give you a little background about what lead up to my having to have surgery. I decided to go running in April of 2011 in an attempt to get into better shape [bla bla bla]. Long story short, I twisted my ankle and, being the person I am, waited 3 weeks before going to see the doctor.

Left ankle prior to seeing the doctors

After 3 x-rays, a ct scan and having one specialist tell me I needed to see a "more qualified orthopedic surgeon" I am told that when I was younger, the bones in my feet grew together instead of apart. When I twisted my ankle in April [it was June at this point] it had aggravated my tendons and I would need surgery. 

Perfect.  Just what every 24 year old want's to happen right before summer. So after living on my own for over two years, I had to move back in with my parents temporarily.

Surgery was scheduled for July 15th and I could not wait to be out of the walking cast I had been in since the middle of May and get back to normal.  



Yeah, not the most comfortable thing
to have to wear in the summer.

While my parents felt that I was going into surgery a little fast, I explained to them that if I postponed the surgery I may not be at least partially weight bearing by the time school began in september.  Recovery time was going to be about 6-8 weeks and I figured by the time November 12th [my brother's wedding] came around, I'd be good as new!

This brings us to the first lesson I learned about having surgery:

When given a recovery time, add 8 weeks to allow for setbacks, complications and unforeseen circumstances.